My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize