You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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