you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
