I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
