listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
