why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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