So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wanna go halves on a baby?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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