does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
