i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
