I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
