can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
