I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
