I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
