Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
