I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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