I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
