I'm jealous of your bromance
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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