She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize