i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
