but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize