How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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