Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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