She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
don't judge my taste in strippers
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
