I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
