i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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