Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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