The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
