apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
