Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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