Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
