I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize