if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
