you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
