i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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