how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
