dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
