my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
