yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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