break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
