Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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