You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
