Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
