Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
