New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
