you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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