I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
