i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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