fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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