You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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