i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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