I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
