drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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