so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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