Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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