Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
