My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
