i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
