I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize