i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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