mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
