What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
