We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize