he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
