Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
