my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
