I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
