I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
