her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
