I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im holly from the hills drunk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
