We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
