I think my vagina is haunted
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
