I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
