I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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