I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
