he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
